What makes life worth living in the face of death?

As we begin a new year, I’m immensely grateful for Paul Kalanithi's book When Breath Becomes Air.

I read it while in the hospital over Christmas. I’d fallen ill with meningitis and wasn’t able to see loved ones. The hardest part by far was being apart from our gorgeous two-year-old daughter. I was heartbroken and tearful most days. I’ve always believed I didn’t need reminding of how precious life is. And yet, here I was, steeped in sadness, reading this book, feeling the truth of just how fragile life really is, and how vital it is to be present for every moment of every day.

Which is why When Breath Becomes Air is one of the most moving books I’ve ever read.

At the age of 36, just as he was finishing nearly a decade of training as a neurosurgeon, Paul was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. He died a year later. The epilogue, written by his wife Lucy, had me in tears for nearly every one of its thirty pages.

There’s a gravity to Paul’s writin, a depth, as he explores what it means to live a meaningful life. As a surgeon, he often had to help decide what kind of life was worth preserving. He reflects that sometimes they saved lives they shouldn't have. Not because of a mistake, but because the life left behind wasn’t one the person would have wanted. It’s moving, powerful, provocative in places, and above all, painfully beautiful.

A new year can carry a kind of psychological weight. This one does for me. I’m still unwell as I write these words. I’ve only just begun to process how hard it was to be apart from my daughter. And at one point, I felt so unwell that I became fully aware of my own mortality.

If there’s one lesson I take from Paul’s remarkable book, it’s this: life is far too precarious, and far too precious, to waste.

That’s why the Stoics often carried Memento Mori coins: reminders in their pocket that they could leave life at any moment. Marcus Aurelius wrote, “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” A call to live not someday, but now.

So I hope this year, and every year that follows, is one where I choose, and we choos, to live in the present. To not take anything for granted. To stop wasting time on anything that carries no love, no kindness, no meaning.

Thank you for reading, great blessings, and take care. May your light shine!

Benjamin